Debunking the Pilgrims

Some malcontent has decided to rain on everyone's Thanksgiving parade by exposing THE TRUTH about the Pilgrims. Among the horrors that are revealed are that the Pilgrims believed the Indian depopulation of the area preceding their arrival was providential and that the Pilgrims insisted on church membership as a prerequisite for a seat on the General Court that governed the colony.

The scales have fallen from my eyes! I repent of ever having had the slightest shred of respect for these people. From now on, I will condemn anyone having the nerve to celebrate Thanksgiving who has not first ritually secularized the holiday and denounced the Pilgrims as evil, genocidal maniacs. Singing a hymn to nature on behalf of the Indian victims could even make the celebration a virtuous act.

Oh, and apparently the transatlantic crossing took eighteen years, since we're told that the Pilgrims boarded the Mayflower in 1602 and arrived in America in 1620. That's some voyage!